Karma: Episode tag 6X19
by mentafan
Summary: Jane watches her go away, yet again. Why won't he confess his feelings to her? Find out. Jane's POV. A bit dark and sad. Hence, rated T.


**A/N: HI! SO THE FINALE IS GETTING NEAR AND MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST. I HOPE WE GET JISBON SOON GUYS. **

**ABOUT THIS TAG, IT'S QUITE DIFFERENT FROM THE TAGS I'VE WRITTEN BEFORE. I TRIED TO CONVEY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WHILE KEEPING IT SHORT. WRITTEN WITH JANE'S POINT OF VIEW.**

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I watch her go, yet again; in the arms of another man. And I just stood there, doing what I know best – Pretend! Pretend that I'm happy and nothing in this world could make me upset. Not even if a part of me dies every time she walks out with him.

Unlike before, this time she had looked back at me. I could see the pity in her eyes, it felt humiliating. Was my smile not convincing enough to show that I was okay? I will try to smile hard the next time. She won't have to look back then, when she goes with him to DC.

How did I end up miserable and alone, again? I thought I had put it behind me. Maybe, I never did. I guess I deserve it. Law of karma they say- you shall get what you give. And I have given nothing but heartaches to her. So who am I to complain if _my_ heart aches now, when he wraps his arms around her waist and entwines his fingers with hers and feels her soft skin beneath his palm?

She deserves to be with such a man. After all, he makes an effort to be there for her. And where was I when she needed me? I got away. But she took me back; every single time. Maybe she just can't do it anymore. And she shouldn't. I was never worthy of her affection.

It's funny! I thought I had made myself impervious to seeing them together. But why does it pain so much today? I don't know. I wish she was here with me. She always takes away my pain.

Huh! Again. It's me, my pain… I have always made it about me.

My sorrows. My revenge. My battle.

I never gave her anything for what all she did for me. For the least, I could not even offer her my company when she needed.

There were always more Sorrys than Thank yous.

More Goodbyes than there were Hellos.

More hugs than what should have been kisses.

And now, she's getting all of it. The thank yous, the hugs… the kisses. The things she deserves. I wish it were me instead of him. I could run my fingers through her hairs, gaze into her deep green eyes till I was lost. I could breathe into her neck, trace the curves of her body and feel the texture of her lips with my hands… my lips. All the things that he gets do with her now.

But I had twelve years for that, didn't I? And I lost them. I lost her.

Now she is leaving me. And it doesn't feels so good. I wonder about all those times when I left her. How she must have felt. Those countless nights when she went home and wept and there was no one to hold her. No one to share her pain; no one to take away the loneliness.

I am feeling the same.

But my feelings don't matter anymore. Now she has found someone; someone that can make her happy and share her pain. And she has every right to be with him.

The only unselfish thing that I can do for her now is to let her go; go with a man that would give her a far better life than I ever can. I myself told her that if she's happy then so am I. And she had said she was happy, didn't she?

Well, who am I kidding? She isn't happy.

She's a bad liar, I've always told her that. Still, she keeps on lying to me. Doesn't she know that I can always see through her?

I can see her grip tighten around his hands whenever I'm near. She leans close to him, tries to smile wider than ever and then she secretly looks at me; trying to watch my reaction. She doesn't know I'm looking at her too. But I'm good at hiding my feelings, my jealousy, and my love. I have done it well enough for years now. And I must continue to do it. I'd slipped once today, when she told me about DC. I think she saw the tears in my eyes, but I'll do better next time… if I ever have a next time with her.

Being with Marcus will keep her safe. It will give her the security and stability she needs. Even though I badly want to give her that safety but it's clear she can never get it as long as she's with me. After all, I'm nothing but a murderer on parole. And no murder goes unpunished; who shall know it better than me.

Soon my actions will come to get me. I know that for sure. Law of Karma, they say.

And I won't give her a few moments of happiness now just so it could be taken away from her the next. I won't be selfish again.

I must keep Lisbon away so she doesn't have to pay for my bad karma.

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The End.

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**A/N: TELL ME HOW YOU LIKED IT. I'LL BE HAPPY TO GET YOUR FEEDBACKS.**


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